An admission of submission...

Hey Everybody,
I know your inboxes have been void of my banter for a couple weeks. Here's what I have been working on. The application deadline for the Masters Program in Writing at PSU that I am applying for is September 1st. I have been trying to write letters of intent for weeks. I'm basically down to the one just below, but I included an older version just for kicks. The reason I whittled it down was because I felt it had too much superfluous information and was a little on the fluffy side. I decided to go for the shorter version because 1) it meets the criteria ("One-page personal introduction, including background as a writer, statement of goals, and proposed plan of study.") a bit better, and 2) is a little more straight-forward, albeit less creative.

I am interested in hearing your feedback (on either version). I am especially looking for errors or any advice you may have that would make my final version clearer, better, more concise, whatever. I don't typically ask for advice about what I write, but this is really important to me, so I want it to be as perfect as it can be. By that, I mean, I want it to be effective. Any input would be appreciated. Even if it's just a spelling or grammar correction. I fear misplaced commas.

Thanks for your input.

-C

Next week, I want to write about something that has fallen out of the mainstream in our country: Common Courtesy ...good times.